After School Crash : What does it look like and how can parents help?
Helping a child who is dysregulated after school due to masking (suppressing their true feelings or behaviors to fit in during the day) requires a mix of emotional safety, sensory regulation, and connection. Dysregulation after school due to masking can look very different from child to child, but here are common signs to look for:
💥 Emotional Outbursts
Sudden meltdowns, yelling, or crying over “small” things (spilled snack, wrong shoes)
Intense mood swings
Seeming “overreactive” to requests or transitions
🧊 Shutdowns or Withdrawal
Refusing to talk or answer questions
Going to their room and shutting the door
Zoning out or staring into space
Exhaustion, flopping on the couch or floor
😡 Irritability & Defiance
Snappy tone, backtalk, or aggression toward siblings/parents
Refusing to do simple tasks (“I’m NOT putting my shoes away!”)
Saying things like “I hate school” or “Leave me alone!”
🌀 Restlessness or Hyperactivity
Nonstop talking or bouncing around
Loud voice, making noises, needing movement
Touching everything or invading personal space
🧸 Regressive Behaviors
Talking in a baby voice, tantrums
Needing a comfort item or extra help with tasks they usually do independently
😰 Somatic Complaints (Body Signals)
Complaining of headaches or stomachaches
Refusing to eat even if they’re hungry
Sudden fatigue or seeming “wiped out”
Masking is like holding in a sneeze all day — eventually the energy explodes. The key is to see this not as “bad behavior” but as a sign they feel safe enough at home to let go. Here is a practical guide on how to support your child’s needs when they are feeling dysregulated after school:
🧠 1. Understand the Cause
Masking takes a huge toll on neurodivergent kids (especially those with ADHD, autism, or anxiety). They work hard all day to "hold it together," and home becomes the release valve.
🏠 2. Create a Safe Landing Zone After School
Instead of jumping into questions or demands:
Offer quiet and space: No pressure to talk.
Have a predictable routine: Something calming right after school (e.g., snack + 30 min solo time).
Low-stimulation environment: Dim lights, soft sounds, minimal clutter.
🗣️ 3. Drop the “How was your day?” (for now)
Instead, try:
“You’re home. I’m so glad to see you.”
Offer a hug or just sit nearby if they’re open to it.
Later, you can ask open-ended questions like:
“What part of today felt the hardest?”
“When did you feel most like yourself today?”
🍎 4. Use a Regulation Toolkit
Create a “regulation station” or backpack with calming tools:
Noise-canceling headphones
Fidget toys
Weighted blanket
Swing or rocking chair
Drawing supplies
Let your child choose what helps them feel better.
🧘 5. Practice Co-Regulation
If they’re dysregulated (meltdowns, shutdowns, irritability), focus on:
Calm presence: Slow your own breathing and voice.
No lectures or problem-solving in the moment.
Use validating statements:
“It’s okay to feel overwhelmed. I’m right here with you.”
🔁 6. Build In “Decompression Time” Daily
Just like adults need to unwind after work, kids need to recover after school. Schedule:
Movement (walks, trampoline, dance)
Screen time (in moderation, if calming)
Solo play or creative expression
🌱 7. Long-Term: Reduce Masking Pressure
Talk with their teacher about ways they can unmask safely at school.
Affirm and celebrate who they are at home.
Use language that helps them name their needs and boundaries.
After-school dysregulation is often a natural response to the mental and emotional strain of masking throughout the day. What might look like meltdowns, withdrawal, irritability, or restlessness is often a sign that your child has been working hard to “hold it together” and now needs a safe place to release that pressure. By creating a calm, accepting environment and offering consistent tools for regulation, you’re not just managing the behavior — you’re helping your child feel seen, supported, and safe to be their full self at home.
